Lately I have been challenged to be real with people. I never intentionally am fake or untruthful with people but at times will hold back. I like people who speak their mind freely and are not apologetic about what they believe. All too often the very people who do speak their minds are usually the same people who say some really foolish things. There has got to be a balance of truthfulness and mercy along with good judgment and timing. I long for relationships with others that are real and authentic, where what ever I say will be taken in a way that is respected and forgiven. I also want to be on the receiving end of honest people who will tell me what they are feeling, the struggles they have and just do life with me. My struggle is as much as I want this, I also need to surround myself with other people who want the same thing, otherwise it won’t work.
In my experience in life and upbringing its a world of keeping in the house. Meaning what is going on at home stays there and don’t let anyone know what is wrong, don’t let them come in and find your “dirty laundry” both literally and figuratively. I feel it has gotten worse as I have gotten older and good friends have gotten farther away, its hard to communicate, hard to do life if you are worlds away. It takes effort and vulnerability as well as the things we deal with get harder, more embarrassing and involved more people.
Facebook is amazing for several reasons, however it is also at times a relationship breaker rather than maker. I say this because we can “stay in touch” just enough to say we are friends with someone, however we don’t “really” know what’s going on. Only the things that are posted and shared and tweeted and YouTube. It really is only a piece of life that we see, because frankly if someone is an over sharer we tend to “block” the News feed and if they say something the least bit controversial its pretty crazy how many “friends” come out of the woodworks to either agree or disagree.
In a world of free speech, not many people exercise that freedom in a way that is edifying or helpful. I am not saying that we need to filter everything, I am actually saying the opposite we need to speak what is on our hearts, not our minds. Speak truth in love but speak it and be okay with what results in that spoken truth. Going through life afraid of what others may think of us, leaves us only with a lot of “Facebook friends”. (I am not knocking FB, just using it as an example).
So here is my truth for the day. I want deeper relationships with people but I get so nervous just calling up people. I don’t know what to talk about and frankly talking on the phone has never been fun for me. My grandma however she loved it, could spend hours on the phone talking with friends, maybe the reason she had so many she was able to keep in touch with. I am going to make an effort to be rejected, to make a phone call and it not be answered or even to get a call back. I am trying to be better at living intentionally not only with my ministry but also with other aspects of my life.
I have always known that I was different from others. Let me explain, if I can. I was born in a loving family with two parents who were raised in the church, so I was also raised in the church. But, it was different for me than others, I understood at a young age that I was going to choose to be different. I accepted that God was real and that he died for me and overcame death on a cross to live eternally. I wanted that too, (the eternity with Him part). I was different from my brothers for obvious reasons, but also was really conscious to make specific choices in life. I was different from some of my peers, teammates and friends in small ways and big ways. In college I met my husband in a very different way (not so different nowadays though).
I have not always loved being different because its not always easy. It sometimes means being made fun of or left out and other times it can be awesome. Lately, I have been feeling different and at times it makes me feel like I can’t talk to people for fear that I am un-relate-able. So I decided that I am going to put what I would like to share out for those who would care to read and listen to what I have to offer. Even if it’s different.
I got a great book called “Mom Connection” by Tracey Bianchi it may be one that I will have to reread several times, as I am usually interrupted after only a few pages. But one truth that I have gotten so far is that a connection is necessary, so I am working on that.
I am hoping that the trend of quiet time, me time will increase as time goes on. I am definitely making more of an effort and in doing so, more expression through blogging hopefully will follow.
My little Parker is not so little anymore, the little bean is one. But, the changes over this past month in her 13th month of life have been crazy. She runs, yes runs and that usually means the little swivel hips also falls. She is a talker, and is very verbal, now she can only say about 5 words but she rarely is quiet. I can count the activities where she is quiet on one hand; sleeping, chewing(but not always), pooping, and when she has something in her mouth that doesn’t belong there.
She is an imitator and I am hoping its just the age because, wow its scary what she learns. It has its benefits sure but wow it also has its punishments. I think she is pretty smart but I am also her mom, maybe biased but I have helped raise several children in my days in childcare/social work roles. 😉
I am pleased to announce she does take regular naps and sleeps through the night. I am not pleased that regardless of her bedtime she gets up pretty much on spot at 6:30am and it did take 12months to get a consistent sleep pattern going here. Pleased to announce she also has a love for music like her brother. Not pleased she also likes to bang “sticks” on everything, like her brother. Pros not a picky eater, con, hungry often and gets super cranky if not fed in a timely manner (meaning immediately after she has signed the word eat).
The other day it was one of those mornings where she was awake and we were alone and she looked at me with those big eyes and smiled. Parker can frustrate me to exhaustion, but she can also melt my heart moments later.
Thank you Lord for allowing me this time with Parker. I know that time is precious and fleeting so I promise to do my best to honor the time you give me on this earth to take care of her and show her Your love. My prayer is that she grows to know You and choose You as her Savior. Amen