As of late it has been made more apparent that juggling the needs of two kids with different ages and therefore needs is a challenge. Just when you think you have passed a difficult phase of their development, boom another one comes along. I know that this is normal, however it still takes me awhile to adjust. Self doubt on whether I can really do this whole parenting thing really is a moment to moment issue. I often feel like a failure due to the ups and downs of the moods in this household. I often feel like a child myself but with the responsibility of the world. For example the emotions that my kids exhibit are sometimes then coming out of me. I sound like a whiny infant, the same annoyance that bothers me is now finding its way out of my mouth. Melt downs are so random and creativity and problem solving are a constant need to calm the rage of the 3.5 and almost 2 year old along with the 30 something year old who is trying to be “super” all the time. I often think and am so very thankful that I do not have the hard task of doing this all by myself.
God, (deep relaxing sigh) I am so thankful that I know Him, that I can count on him. I find myself crying out to him, asking him to forgive me, to give me patience, to give me energy, to give me love and understanding. He delivers every time, if only I would just remember to pause and seek him first before my meltdowns. Sure I don’t always feel that I am getting the needed inspiration or extra dose of patience, but I know he is there. I seriously don’t know how other people do it without God. I know how much I sin and do things that are out of character for whatever excuse. I would be a mess, my family would be a mess and then we would go into the world and create more messes. Aha that’s why the word IS a mess, because there are people who don’t rely on a God that can reign them back in, to calm the storms in there life, to give them that hope that they need to make it through the tantrums and the long nights.
Thank you God right now for giving me these few minutes to write down my struggles and my experiences. May they be a blessing to someone and may they know that they too can get through the craziness of life, if they have you. Well duty calls, I currently have a child who needs my help, laundry that needs to go in the dryer and a runny nose that needs to be wiped.
Until the next time…