Memories

Memories are hard. It is the weirdest thing when you just have a day where you are a bit off and you don’t know why you are so emotional. Then it hits you; a memory, it could be a year or several years. A memory of a loved one who is no longer with you, an event that shaped the way you experience life. Memories can bring such joy and at times anger or sadness. Memories make you deal with things in your past and can make you think about what you miss or maybe something you left behind. When you are dealing with memories and you are not so sure you like where you’re at now it can be hard to face those realities.

So the question is how do we manage memories in a healthy way? Sometimes our memory is not what others remember. Memories are personal and no two memories are exactly the same. Take a look at the gospels they are eye witness accounts yet told from different perspectives and for different audiences. Think of maybe a parent or grandparent that can’t remember what happened a few moments ago or a few years ago but they can remember when they were 10.

Pictures…what did they do before photographs? If you were born after 2000 you wonder what prints even are. We were going through old photographs and thank goodness for the people who labeled the back of the photo because we would have never guessed who those people in that photo were. And what was it with printing every single picture…can you imagine that with our selfie world we live in today? “Mom, why are there 30 pictures of you with duck lips, and what is with that eyebrow?”

Whether we have good or bad memories, can’t remember or can’t stop remembering…I think the key to “remember” is that through it all God was there and is here now and forever. So whatever those memories bring along with them give that up to God to help you through it and He will show you the beautiful plan he wove through those experiences. God is in control and we can rest easy knowing that he also has our future mapped out for us too. Give it to God and he will provide you will clarity and peace that will last an eternity.

Father’s Day

According to Google- A biblical definition of “A father is implored to bring their children up in the ways of the Lord, to discipline them and to encourage, comfort and instruct them. Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

We all have experienced our own definition of father…absent, present, known, unknown, loving, abusive, addiction, connection, love, hate, alive, deceased, Christ-follower…

I want to share my 5 experiences of a father.

My father is Mark Anthony Ruby he was raised in Iowa by his father Clinton Ruby who was a follower of Christ. My grandfather was a veteran and factory worker. I remember him as a father who loved his children and worked hard to provide for them. He however was an earthly father who was not perfect. I remember him as a grandpa who loved to tell stories of how he was a prisoner of war, lost his finger in a factory accident, went to church every week, and let me sit in his lap and snuggle for hours.

My mom’s father is Arnold Kugler who raised my mom in Nebraska and is a Christ-follower. He was a school counselor and I know him as a businessman with several rental properties. He is someone who is generous and always thinking of other people. He always talks about his many friends and fellow Kawana members. I know him as a widower who loved his wife so dearly, a Husker fan through and through, Cardinals fan, and very active person. He loves to watch the news and sports but hates the commercials (so he mutes them). He is still a very active person who loves church, family, and friends.

My daddy is a man of many trades, I know him as a firefighter, police deputy, EMT, McDonald’s supervisor, security officer, farmer, barista, and the list goes on. But most importantly I know him as a Christ-follower. I am so proud to know three God-fearing men who were/are great examples of Fathers.

The reason they are great examples is that they decided to take that Biblical definition seriously and lead their families in the way of the Lord and for that, I am so thankful. It is because of their example that I came to the decision to also follow Christ. It is the reason I married a man who also is a follower of Christ and is showing his children what it is to be a father who loves the Lord. I am so thankful that my kids can look back at their family tree and see several examples of a good father.

But my greatest experience with a father is my Heavenly father. A father who is always present, known, loving, connected to me, and very much alive. A father who never makes mistakes and will always be with me. A father who I am still trying to get to know and learn from. A father who I can talk to and hear from at anytime and anyplace. A father that will never leave me or forsake me and provided a way to be with him for all eternity.

You may not have any fathers that you can say you look up to or can rely on but I can tell you this your Heavenly father is that father and he is waiting for you to call out to him. Waiting for you to believe that he created you and loves you. A good, good father that will never force you to love him, gives you the free will to decide for yourself what you do in life. He is a father who sent his son to die for you so that you can be with him for all eternity if you chose to believe that about him. A father that despite your disobedience allows for forgiveness and change. A father who desires a relationship and wants the best for you.

Father’s day is a day to celebrate and reflect on the men in our lives that helped shape us into who we are today. Good News no matter the past experiences you have today to start a relationship with a Father who has always wanted you to call him Abba Father. Today I want to thank the legacy of fathers who introduced me to my Heavenly Father, for that I am eternally grateful.

What should you be doing?

I am constantly telling kids to mind their own business and to worry about themselves. See they come up to me several times a day to complain about someone else. They point out what that other person is doing wrong and how that other person is bothering them. My response usually is “what should you be doing?” See it is not that I don’t care what the other child is doing (most likely something that is against the rules or is quite annoying). In fact, I know they are doing those things and instead of being able to handle that situation, I am caught up trying to get the other kids who are pointing out the mistakes of others and can’t address the problem. I am saying don’t worry about those other people because I want them to care about them instead.

Worry and Caring are two different things. I don’t get kids coming up to me to let me know what an awesome job someone else is doing or pointing out how well someone is following the rules. In our world, we do a whole lot of worrying and not a lot of care. We worry about getting sick and point fingers toward those who are not vaccinating, washing their hands, sanitizing, exercising, praying and a long list of other things. What if we changed our view to caring about how we can help those who are sick, how we can give to those who can’t afford all the things we are stocking up on.

I don’t want my kids or my students to get into the bad habit of worrying about what everybody else is doing. I know what that road of worry leads to…it leads to us worrying about whether we are popular, doing what everyone else is doing, unhealthy comparing and a whole host of other negative behaviors. Instead, I want my kids or students to get in the habit of noticing the good in people instead of the bad; to care only if they are doing the right thing so that someone has a good example to follow.

See we need leaders and I think we are confused at what a leader is. A leader is someone who does what they are supposed to do in order for others to know what to do by example. Being able to see through actions instead of words, being noticed for the good they are doing because they are noticing the right things in people. Most schools have acronyms for what behaviors they expect from their students like P.R.I.D.E. or S.T.A.R.R (problem solve, respect, integrity, demonstrate responsibility, expect success) (Safe, Thoughtful, Attentive, Respectful, Responsible).

We want our kids the next generation of society to be able to problem-solve, show respect, have integrity, demonstrate responsibility and expect to succeed. We want these things for them because these attributes make up a well-rounded person. Of course, one thing is missing and that is Jesus, and unfortunately, we can’t in our public schools identify that Jesus had these attributes that we are trying to instill. We want our kiddos to care about themselves enough to have all the necessary attributes to show others how to live. We want them to not worry about what everyone else is doing, so much so that they don’t worry about how they are behaving. We want them to care more about how the other person is feeling, care about how they can help that person, care enough to show that other person the right way to live by setting a good example.

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety weighs down the heart,
but a kind word cheers it up.

A Letter

Dear school principals,

You are needed, valuable and put in many roles. I can say that I have been blessed to have worked for 3 amazing principals- 2 in Uganda and 1 at OV. The main thing that made them great was their willingness to be seen. They were always with the kids, in classrooms, talking with teachers and overall just great leaders because of it. So now that is what I look for in a great school. If you have substitutes in your building and you have not met them or personally said thank you or offered assistance, then you have done a disservice to your school. I know that you have meetings and are overworked, but if I as a substitute don’t see you, then do your teachers see you? Do your students see you? What about the parents?

Teachers, it is such a pain to take a day off whether scheduled or not, I totally get it. To top it off you know your kids (no matter how angelic for you) will not be that great for a sub. They are not yet to that point in life where they can make rational decisions. (at least not when you change their routine) Your sub-plans need to have seating charts, name pronunciation, behavior plans and other random things that these kids will lie about to get to do something they want to do. I know it is already a pain, but simply do most of this from day 1 and then please, I beg of you update it! Kids hate sub day or they love sub days because it either means freedom or restriction; give me a balance so we are not the bad guy who doesn’t let them have fun Friday, computer time, or a special seating chart. If it works consistently with you then keep it consistent. They don’t need more things changed, when they already have to adapt to a different teacher. With all that said do not introduce a new unit (if possible), provide ways that we can help your students by giving answer guides or tips into how you teach things. Most of all give us grace, we are doing our best and we are not intentionally screwing up your plans, room, kids etc.

To myself and other subs, the kids are not out to get you (ok well most of them). These are kids, I repeat, they are kids. They have a routine and a schedule and they do not do well with change. Try to connect, be firm but don’t try to be their teacher (you will never do it the same). Find your own way to calm them down, a way to get their attention and to teach. Your goal is to teach them something, anything (oh and keep them alive). Do your best to follow the teacher’s plans but realize, weird things happen and kids don’t always cooperate or get it. DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONAL, you will have good groups and hard groups and most of the time it won’t be about you, but about them (the kids).

All other staff in the building; SMILE, give the benefit of the doubt, help where needed. One thing that I have noticed is that the staff (lunch) room is a scary place for subs and when you sit at your “normal” table and have your time to get away, they have no one to talk to. They have just had a morning of taking care of a group of kids that they may or may not know. It would make them feel better if you said hello, invited them to join you, asked them how their morning went, inquired about them, really just saw them. The reason I say this is that all too often I have seen and been the recipient of feeling unwelcome. Frankly, if you want a sub someday you might try and acknowledge their existence in your building.

Sincerely,

A full-time substitute teacher, former classroom teacher, and (hopefully) future classroom teacher

Two or three places at once

Do you ever wish you could be two places at once or maybe more? If you have ever lived more than one place your entire life you may have had that feeling. A year ago our family took a little Christmas break in America and I was put on a medicine to help with my anxiety. I had been crying at the drop of a hat and going through a lot of stress and grief. The medicine helped, kind of, it helped me to not be so emotional, but it also covered them up. My panic attacks lessened, but what was causing them actually increased. I was back in Uganda surrounded by people I loved, but missing my friends and family in America. I was also being attacked, my family was being attacked, the ministry we started was being attacked and life was hard. It was in that turmoil that I found such deep friendship. People who got it and knew what I was going through. I didn’t want to leave these people, but I also knew we needed to leave.

The time came and I had to give up things I loved, to save the things I loved. My family needed to go to a safe place, our ministry needed us to leave for it to sustain and thrive. The good news I was going “home” to be with family and friends. For a short time we got to see friends and family and then it was time to settle into a new life and routine. This new life came at a price, we now had no one that was near us. We didn’t have friends or family and I was so confused at what God was trying to teach us as life without people is lonely. I knew I would need to rely on Him to make it through.

We got our new jobs, new church, new house, new school; it was all new. I found myself missing the old even though it wasn’t always great, actually, it was downright hard. We are now in a new year, a new decade and as much as I long to be in two or three places at once, I know that God has great things ahead. How do I know this? I know this because even though I miss so many things, I am excited for where He is leading me. I have a life ahead of me that doesn’t need to be filled with worry or sadness. I need to be focused on how my life now and every day is a blessing and can be a blessing where ever I am and with whomever I encounter. I know that I will eventually make new friends, colleagues, and a church family. I also know that I will always have family and friends, even if they are in different states, countries and continents. I am thankful that God has given me the opportunities to meet so many amazing people and I look forward to meeting many more.

If you are in a season of loneliness like I am I pray that you use this quiet time in your life to draw closer to the one who will never leave you nor forsake you. God has been with me through it all and no matter where I live, he never leaves. How amazing!

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

How to go from ba-hum-bug to fa-la-la.

The holidays are a struggle. It is overwhelming to be jolly all the time, to hear Christmas music play and the anxiety of how you are going to afford to buy for all the people in your family. The desire to connect with people you love who always seem to be busy, far away, sick, or no longer alive. I miss the simplicity of childhood when we saw our cousins every year for Christmas and when we got gifts for people it was with our parents money. The joy came because we didn’t have school, there weren’t a lot of chores because it was winter and you could use the excuse to stay inside. This Christmas I have been emotional, sad for people who are going through horrible news of cancer. I get mad when my kid is sick all week and there is nothing I can do to make it get better. The inconviences that arise and just get you all in a grumpy bah-hum-bug kind of mood.

Then God gives you a glitter of hope, a dash of greatfullness, a sprinkle of cheer. These past few years I have been overwhelmed with joy getting to know more and more about how wonderful people helped shape my husband. How specific people were placed in my husbands life at just the right times. I love hearing stories about those people, meeting those people and then thanking God for those people. It then makes me think of the people who shaped my life. People who impacted my life at the right times. I want that for my kids and I am happy to say they have already had quite a few amazing people influence their life to follow Jesus.

So when I let Satan distract me with sadness, envy, jealousy, sickness and all things icky…I am thankfully reminded that though this world is not my home, Jesus came to this World and also went through all the heartache and pain that I experience. He came though to save us from this world so that I could one day leave it to be with him in paradise. So I get it when people are grumpy, sad, suicidal, egoscentric, greedy, jealous and many other feelings this time of year…because it has become less about JESUS’ birth and more about the world and what makes people feel good. But those things and feelings are temperary…when the kids get what they want for Christmas and a week later whine about getting something else.

This holiday I want to be intentional to show Jesus to people just like people did to Matt and I. In order to do that though I have to fill myself up with Jesus everyday. I have to worry less about me and more about others. I need to show Jesus through my actions and my words, this time of year more than ever. Jesus is the best gift ever given and some people have treated this gift like a white elephant gift. Think about who has impacted your life and how that has shaped you into who you are today. Have you paid it forward? Merry Christmas!

Following a prompt

We moved to Grand Rapids in August and had temporary housing that placed us next to a school that our kids would attend. I got a job for a school across town about 30 minutes away. We were in a situation where it was hard to make new friends. We tried at church and although contacts were exchanged we hadn’t really been able to do much more than maybe go out for a meal. The kids wanted friends over but we didn’t know who these kids were or who their parents were. It was hard for all of us to connect.

Now we are in our new house and it is really cold so you don’t really see many people out because of that. However, our kids were given a great idea at a recent event for kids at the church. They were given a cookie mix and were encouraged to make it and share it. So last weekend we did just that we made cookies and the kids had a great idea (with the help of Matt) to deliver cookies to our neighbors. I helped make them with the kids but then I tried to get out of actually going with them and wanted to just make Matt.

But we all went and the first few houses were very awkward but good to formally meet who we would be doing life with. Then something great happened we met families with kids and then they showed us who the other families with kids were. Then after a few more houses and only two bags left to hand out something amazing happened. One of the families came back outside with their kids and started to play and then two more and so while the adults were able to talk the kids had a blast making new friends.

God is amazing at prompting us to do uncomfortable things. I find that lately everything is uncomfortable but if I listen to His prompting either through my husband, kids or even coworkers good things will come of it.

So as we go into this time of holidays and time with family, take the time to listen to the holy spirit as he is always working and won’t ever let you down.

God’s not done with you

God’s Not Done With You by Tauren Wells

God’s not done with you
Even with your broken heart and your wounds and your scars
God’s not done with you
Even when you’re lost and it’s hard and you’re falling apart
God’s not done with you
It’s not over, it’s only begun
So don’t hide, don’t run
‘Cause God’s not done with
You…

verse 3

He’s got a plan, this is part of it
He’s gonna finish what He started
He’s got a plan, this is part of it
He’s gonna finish what He started
He’s not done
God’s not done writing your story
No, He’s not done
God’s not done with you!

So I was gardening a while back before school started when it was not freezing cold and this song came on and I was jamming. I think I played it over a few times because I was just listening to the lyrics and they were really speaking to me. Music has always been something that speaks to me and is therapeutic. I feel that God can use songs to really tug at your heart and get you to feel, think, praise and listen to the Holy Spirit.

I thought that moving back from the mission field, meant that I might lose my purpose in life. That God was done with me and I would not be useful in the same way. I know that I have a purpose but feeling like I had to reinvent what that purpose might be was scary and sad. A big part of my life is being a mom and I knew that I would also have to figure out another way of being apart of my kids’ lives. I had always been present with Parker and even Jacob had always had me near even if I wasn’t the primary teacher in his life.

I have lots of hurts and scars from things that happened in Uganda but I also had so many amazing friendships and experiences that I was not ready to let go. My life verse is Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.” So the part of the song that says….”He’s got a plan, this is part of it” is such a great reminder that God’s got this and I don’t need to worry about it.

We are excited as a family to be in Grand Rapids, we are taking things moment by moment. We have good days and not so good days but we keep reminding ourselves that God’s not done writing our story. So let the next chapter begin and let it be a blessed one, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

Power of a note

I was going through some boxes and trying to see if I needed to keep old things, memories. I had saved so many old cards and pictures and I was reminded of how many amazing people God has put in my path over my lifetime. Christmas, Birthday, Graduation, Get Well, Thank you, Congratulations… So many pictures. I felt old as I was thinking about how people today only post pictures and post Happy Birthday or Congratulations. We do give the occasional card but time has gone where we take the time to write a note just to encourage someone. I am glad that Facebook is around because it is one of the only ways that it is possible to connect with old friends and to keep in touch when friends are continents away.

I actually sent out a message to my friends and family that I would love to have their address so I could send them some “snail mail”. I wanted to send out a birthday note, prayer or just a hi how are ya note to friends and family. I realize that this is no easy task. First of all, I have to get addresses, I have to remember birthdays and also have to figure out a way to find the time and resources to make it happen. I looked through all those printed pictures and notes and was reminded that a note can really change someone’s day.

The preacher last week was talking about how there are times in our lives where someone has said something that has either impacted our life in a positive way or a negative way. Something that changed our path. My hope is that the words I say can help someone feel great about what they are doing, make them think about what they may need to check in with God about. I want to be the person in peoples lives that speak the truth in love when it needs to be said and someone who keeps their mouth shut and just prays when the time is not right to say something.

So my challenge to you and to myself is to be intentional with my words. With my kids choosing what to say, how to say it when to say it and the impact it makes. I am starting over it seems as I have to make new friends as we start our new journey in Grand Rapids. But I was reminded that I have so many amazing friends and family in my life that have not forgotten me and who are supporting me from all over the world, and for that, I am so thankful. Today…tomorrow be intentional with your words and maybe send a note to your kids, teacher, coworker, old friend, parent, grandparent, relative, spouse, boss….you get the point.

“Say whatcha need to say…” okay that was silly, but really think about it how can you use your words to encourage someone? Do you want to be encouraged or get a note on your birthday? I would love to send you some encouragement so send me your address. Email me breckaarnett@gmail.com I would love to hear from you too.

 

Original Poem- I once was a bully

I once was a bully.

See when I was little I saw things around me that confused me. When my daddy was around he was always mad, so I just watched him from my hiding place.

My mom liked to cry a lot but usually when no one was around, so I just watched from my hiding place.

My brother never wanted to play with me, he said I was always in his way, so I just watched him from my hiding place.

But I got bigger and learned ways that I could get my dad’s attention and found ways to keep him not so mad.

When I got bigger I knew how to make sure my mom didn’t cry anymore and found ways to keep her from being so sad.

When I got bigger my brother wanted me to help him play his games, I was no longer in his way and I wanted to be just like him.

When I went to school I knew how to make people do what I wanted them to do so I wouldn’t get mad.

When I was at school I knew how to make people feel bad for me so I wouldn’t be sad.

When I was at school I showed everyone who was the boss because that would make them play with me.

But one day that all changed.

One day I met a man who was my principal and he was never mad.

One day I met my teacher and she was always happy.

One day I met Jacob and he always wanted to play with me.

See I thought I had to be something different for someone to never get angry, always be happy and to always be my friend.

But that day I learned all I needed to be was ME.